Making it Work.

The United States has a very sad 50 percent divorce rate. Keeping that in mind, imagine not seeing your loved one for days, months, even years, and maybe only getting to hear their voice once or twice a week, if you’re lucky. Unfortunate circumstances like these are extremely common in a military relationship. And although we are fortunate enough to have the internet and things like skype and iChat, the struggles military couples face today are similar to those faced during World War II. Communication is and always has been a key factor in keeping these relationships together. In World War II it was writing letters and today it’s more often speaking to each other or communicating via e-mail. Writing letters to their soldiers was the highlight of most women during WWII. Some would even write letters once even twice every single day. Letters were full of “I love you’s”, “come home soon” and other terms of endearment. But these letters served a purpose more than just to remind the soldiers that they were loved. These letters were full of encouragement, hope and of course, details of all the happenings at home. In the following excerpt from “Since You Went Away- World War II Letters from American women on the home front”, Flora writes to her husband Erman who is over seas,

” Our letters mean a lot to us, do they not darling? Somehow, by telling you everything just as it happens each day and reading your letters over and over again i have a feeling of continuity so that when we are together again, even if it is only for a few hours we seem to resume our relationship on a physical basis without any feeling of separation having preceded those hours. It is a glorious state and is one of the precious things about our marriage.” (pg. 114-115)

It was also said that “men in combat often remarked that receiving a letter was like a ten minute furlough.” (pg. 128) Which I believe would be the same today with an e-mail or phone call. Some might argue that making a long distance relationship is very difficult in itself, then add a war, financial struggles, being a single parent and the stress of the distance and you have a recipe for disaster. The truth is, it would be very easy to let a relationship like this go. Instead of trying so hard to make it work and having both people equally trying, you might just rather give up. But their are many ways, especially today that military families can get help in these areas and be given the support need to actually make it work. I found an article entitled, “Set Goals to Keep Marriage Strong”, based solely on military families. In this article, I found out that the military actually offers different kinds of support groups and counseling geared specifically towards keeping marriages healthy and strong during times of distance, and reintegration. According to Mike Schindler, who is the founder of Operation Military Family, an organization dedicated to helping strengthen military families, publisher of a book called, “Operation Military Family: How Military Families are Fighting to Preserve Their Marriages,” and creator of a web site devoted to military couples, there are a few specific things to keep in mind when trying to make a military relationship work.

“…he discovered two key concepts for a successful relationship: Have a strong vision and create a support network. Schindler said it’s important to set goals. If the vision is to be married for 50 years, then figure out how you see yourselves getting there. “If you don’t have a common vision, where you’re taking your relationship, it’s easy to get off course,” he explained.” (Family Matters Blog, By: Elaine Wilson)

Everyone just assumes, well I’m getting married, that means I’m going to be married forever. But discussing things like this on a regular basis is needed when you’re in a relationship like this. Schindler also talked about how important it is to know when to talk about issues or conflicts you’re having and when not to. If that time isn’t a good time, try and schedule a good time for both of you to talk about it. And, don’t shut down in times of conflict. One husband got mad after a fight with his wife and shut down communication for several days. Can you imagine how worried and scared that wife was while trying to get a hold of her husband overseas, in the midst of fighting in a war? I don’t even want to experience a smidgen of what that felt like.

Although times have changed, the strength and effort it takes to keep a military relationship healthy has not. I commend all relationships that stay strong and true through times like these. I hope to never personally experience it.

Barrett Litoff, Judy and David Smith. Since You Went Away. Lawrence, KS: University Press of Kansas, 1991.

Full Blog
September, 28. 2009.

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